What it's like without you to speak to...

Everything seems emptier. Not completely empty, because I know God is with me, and He keeps me at peace, fulfills me, and gives me strength. It's been strange not having you to talk to, or not having a more recent conversation with you to ponder on, or to guess your mood from, nor being able to think of and say anything to you in response.

I feel noticeably less motivated over-all, which is somewhat strange to me considering you aren't like, gone or anything. We just can't talk. But when I remind myself of that alone - that I still have Chloe, just can't speak with her - it motivates me.

Just instinctively checked my phone xD;. I've done that several times today, haha.

Strictly from a self-target standpoint, I've had absolutely no worries about you or what you're doing -- like that you might be looking into another guy, losing interest in me or anything like that. Those kinds of worries don't exist at all, haven't even tried to exist. And that's good I think, ne? ^_^ I truly trust you on that front.

I am slightly worried that you might be worried about me though, or that your mind might be making up scenarios of upsetting or bad things I could be doing "now." I hope that hasn't happened today =X. And if it has, then no worries: for me, today was extremely normal... Bland even, if you will haha. I arrived to work really early, but ended up being locked out of the office until the time I was supposed to be there anyway xP. *shrug* Came home for a lunch sandwich, played some piano, went back. Yeppp. This day has been way more "normal" and way less fun or interesting without you to talk to =P.

I had the thought that, while we -should- stop focusing on and talking only about "us" so much, it's probably still important to be thinking about "us" on our own. And as you said before, to bring up and discuss any significant or worrysome topics that come about in our minds, at an appropriate time. Because if we hadn't been doing at least that in the first place, we wouldn't have come upon and discussed this issue of being recklessly indulged in "us," nor our resolution for it, yeah? xP


Was that drawing you put on my lap the same one you mentioned to me, of you "getting better," and someone else "being supportive?"